Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
