I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
