Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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