i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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