all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My breasts were aching with rage.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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