If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
