how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
