I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
