Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
