he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
being pregnant is like rehab
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
