so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
