I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
