On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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