i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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