yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
