Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
