Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
