all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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