apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
