i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
