Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Randomize
