I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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