I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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