the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I will be naked everywhere
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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