she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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