Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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