last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
