alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i now understand why vodka
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
