my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
