oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
