If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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