She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
