Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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