the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
