I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
