CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
