So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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