did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
