She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
