After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
