we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
ttyl tear gas
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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