it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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