Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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