So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
