I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
