Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
