alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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