rhymes with "ouble enetration"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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