im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
