Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
